Leo’s birth story - a home birth in adams county pennsylvania

I love being able to share birth stories, especially when I can pair my photos with my client’s words. Get comfy, grab that cup of coffee or hot chocolate (or ice tea, it’s getting hot outside!) and immerse yourself in her words and experience.

“My whole pregnancy flew by. The first trimester was a little rough with food aversions, but after week 12 I was in total bliss the rest of the 9 months. I always thought and hoped I would love being pregnant, and it was even better than I thought it would be. I LOVED it!! The third trimester went by surprisingly fast. I had always heard that it would drag by—that I would be miserable and uncomfortable and impatient. But I didn’t experience any of those things. I still loved it, and I was cherishing my relationship with my husband, my relationship with this little person growing inside of me, and my relationship with my body. I don’t know if my next pregnancy will be the same, and I will always treasure those moments. The last weeks (starting around 36 weeks) it really set in that this beautiful part of my life was drawing to a close. My marriage would change drastically, I would grow from maiden to mother, everything would take a back seat to this precious little life. I worried that I wouldn’t experience the immediate bond of love that mothers explain when they give birth. I worried that I would at some points regret having a child. I worried that my relationship with Mark would be unrecognizable. I didn’t worry about the birth, and I didn’t want to speed anything up. I savored the end of this pregnancy. I hoped for an extra week or two to continue savoring it. I wanted this baby to be born on their terms, and I was in no rush.

Once I hit 40 weeks I did start getting concerned about the possibility of going too far past my due date, and having to utilize some methods of induction. But it didn’t concern me enough to start obsessing. I ate my dates, drank my red raspberry leaf tea, and did my Spinning Babies exercises. I really didn’t do much extra though. At 40 weeks, we had a big snow storm coming in (Izzy). We were expecting 8-12 inches, plus a couple inches of ice. This would be our first big storm in our new house, and we have a 1/2mile long driveway to plow. I had heard that weather systems can bring on labor, plus the full moon was around the corner, so Mark and I figured it would be go-time soon enough. After some hiccups with the ATV not starting, and then the plow cable snapping, Mark was able to get the drive cleared enough to feel confident in case labor started.

On Monday night (40+2), there was a full moon. There was ice on the moon-facing side of the trees, and Mark and I stared for a while at what looked like bioluminescence dripping down the side of the tree—the moonlight reflecting off the ice. It was shockingly beautiful, and it was eerie, and it somehow felt like a sign. The next morning I woke up around 5am with some light period-like cramps. All day I felt these cramps every 10-15 minutes. They were consistent, but extremely mild and never got closer than 10 minutes apart. I was trying to manage my expectations… bouncing between optimistic excitement and my logical brain which told me this could be prodromal labor. This could go on for days, or weeks! And knowing regardless, it was productive and it was my body preparing. Mark and I had a glass of wine that night, relaxed together, and got some good rest.

Around 3am I woke up and the pains had gotten noticeably more intense, though still very manageable. I could no longer sleep through them, but I could breathe through them well. Around 4am I contacted our midwife Zaina, our photographer Megan, and my mom to let them know things might be happening, and that I’d be in touch if/when things moved along. At this point surges were between 6 and 8 minutes apart, and increasing in intensity.
Things get blurry here. My mom, followed by Zaina, followed by Megan, arrived somewhere around 6a-8am on that chilly January morning. I was working hard to breathe through the surges. I kept telling Mark that it still wasn’t as bad as my period cramps. That was some kind of internal measure for me at the time, which is hard to explain now. It didn’t get to be worse than my period cramps until transition, but more on that later…
Since I was GBS+, I didn’t want to do any unnecessary cervical checks. My water hadn’t broken yet, and I didn’t want to risk breaking it before babe was ready to meet us. Zaina was proficient at reading a laboring mom’s queues, and I think she knew where I was without an exam. I stayed in bed and rode out the early waves with Mark by my side. He gave me lots of hip squeezes and counter pressure. When he needed a break, my mom stepped in on hip squeeze duty. But the thing I needed in those moments more than anything, was Mark by my side. And there he was.

At some point the surges got closer together and harder to breathe through. I really wanted to get in the water. I was conflicted because I knew it could slow things down, but I wanted the relief. Zaina offered to do a cervical exam, and I told her she couldn’t tell me how dilated I was, just tell me if I could get in the tub. When she said yes, I felt encouraged.

I got in the tub and it was instant relief. It was bliss. I think I said something like “I could do this all day.” Which, I pretty much did. We turned on The Office for some comic relief and I hung out in the pool for hours, riding out the surges until the water got too cool. The only measure of time I really have is when my mom said “I think you’re gonna have this baby right around the time you were born!” That must have been around 9am or so, because I was born at 10:43am. Well, I did not have that baby right around the time I was born. I’ve since reminded my mom never to say something like that to a laboring woman, and she agreed!
Zaina wanted me to get out of the tub and get moving. She wanted me to try some positions to engage and help baby move down. I got out, put on a bath robe, and got to work. I guess this could’ve been around 1pm? Hard to say. This is where I wished I had done more of the Hypnobirthing practice.

Zaina really wanted me to try each position for at least 3 contractions. It was SO HARD. I tried hanging from Mark’s shoulders—didn’t like it. I tried lunges with the yoga ball—didn’t like it. I tried some kind of hip pull with the rebozo—HATED that. I did get some good squats in supported by Mark’s arms. I also spent some time on the Birth Throne aka the toilet. At some point while I was there, Zaina came in. Mark and Mom and Megan were somewhere else, having coffee or food, and only Zaina was with me. She told me that everything was moving along beautifully, that I was opening up. She reminded me to keep my voice low, and my face relaxed. Say the word “ooopen” and visualize it. I had so much love for her in those moments. She stayed with me, and rubbed my back, and held a bowl for me to puke in. I felt the energy of all the mothers she’s been with in their most trying moments, and I felt her wisdom and her empathy.

We were back and forth between the bathroom and bed, and its hard to put a timeline to it, but at some point I insisted that they start filling the tub back up. This was really hard work, and I was convinced the tub would bring the same relief it had that morning. I think I was in transition here, though its hard to say because I didn’t have many cervical checks. But I was vomiting, and saying things like “I can’t do this,” which are telltale signs of transition. It would be quite a while still, however.

I finally got back in the pool before it was finished filling, which was very anticlimactic. The cool water during transition was nowhere near the relief I expected and craved. The water was supposed to be my savior. My confidence dwindled: how do people have “pain-free births”? Are they lying? Is it a myth? I felt like I was failing because I was experiencing intense pain rather than just “intense pressure,” which the books I had read lead me to expect. I wasn’t as tough or resilient as I thought. I didn’t have the mental fortitude to have the dreamy calm serene birth I read about. I couldn’t “breathe my baby down”!!
I think Zaina did another cervical exam to make sure I was ok to start pushing if I felt pushy. She checked baby’s heartrate periodically to ensure he was coping with contractions well, and that he was. I remember thinking we should be checking MY heartrate. I was having palpitations, and wondered once or twice if my heart was going to stop. I wondered out loud, and Zaina asked me if I was breathing. I had been forgetting to breathe!

I started doing some little grunty “pushes” with contractions. In hindsight, I don’t think I was pushing at all, but I was figuring out the sensations. When I started pushing for real, it was incredibly hard for me to get the hang of. I didn’t ever feel “pushy” so it was really difficult to know when and how to do it. I guess at some point Zaina felt I was far enough along, so I started trying to master this feat. At one point I was convinced I’d made some progress, so I reached down to see if I could feel the head and I was disappointed and discouraged to find that I couldn’t feel anything. I kept working, and trying out different positions to push in. I tried pushing from a lunging position, and didn’t like it. I tried squatting and pushing, and didn’t feel stable enough. I kept coming back to pushing on all fours, where I felt the most grounded. When I pushed, I screamed. Something still wasn’t connecting, however, and it all felt futile. I think this is where I would have thrown in the towel if I could have. I really didn’t think I could do it. I knew I could, but I didn’t think I could. The only thing that got me through this was the thought of all my ancestors doing this. All the women before me birthing babies. I’m so glad I had read all those birth stories. I felt like I had all of those mothers cheering me on .

With one particularly powerful, guttural push, I felt my pelvis open and I felt my body continue the push so forcefully that my water broke! I reached down and felt the softest silkiest hair on my baby’s head, finally crowning. That’s all I needed to keep going. Once my water was broken and the downward pressure intensified, it clicked. It was primal. This business of breathing your baby down was out of my mind… I ROARED my baby down with abandon. Between contractions I tried to slow things down, to protect my perineum, but my body and baby had different ideas. This baby was ready to be born. His head (and hand!) came out at 7:02 and his body followed on the next push. Zaina did some acrobatics to reach over and release his double nuchal cord, as I lifted him out of the water. With his body gently suspended in the water, he slowly realized he had been born, and let out a hearty cry in his time. Eventually we remembered that we didn’t know the sex, and I looked to see that we had a beautiful baby boy, just as I had suspected all along. From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I knew I was having a son. Mark and I looked at each other, and nodded in agreement. We knew his name all along: Leo.

We stayed that way in the red tinted water for a while. Leo had a big healthy poop, that first meconium. I birthed the placenta after about 15 minutes, with a little help from Zaina. After the cord stopped pulsing, we untethered Leo from his home of the last 9+ months. I cut the cord, and handed our boy to his daddy for some skin to skin. Mark and his son.

Zaina helped me out of the tub. I was surprised yet again by her skill, getting me out of the tub while avoiding splashing blood or water on our wood floors. I moved to the bed, and I spent the next golden hour in bliss with my beautiful little family. I was trying to wrap my head around what had just happened. I was studying Leo’s face—he was literally the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I was studying Mark too—I can’t believe we did this together. I couldn’t believe how perfect a partner he was, and is. I didn’t feel the rush of oxytocin you hear about, but I was soaking in these sweet moments. I latched Leo on to my breast, and he drank the liquid gold, thus starting what would be a very difficult breastfeeding journey. Spoiler: we are going strong at three months postpartum!

Mark and Leo were having some more skin to skin while Zaina did my exam and gave a placenta tour. The incredible placenta that nourished my baby all those months. We will be burying it under a tree to commemorate this amazing journey. I ended up with some minor tears: two first degree labial tears, and one second degree perineal tear. We allowed them to heal naturally, but a few days later, Zaina came by to check on my healing and we decided it would be best to add a few stitches for peace of mind. I’m so glad we did, and I’m healed well now.

Shortly after Leo was born, I was asked how I felt about the birth and if I would do it again. I said I was still processing, but that I didn’t think I could do it again. I acknowledged that if I had been in a hospital, I would have asked for an epidural. I didn’t forget the pain immediately like they say you do. But this birth… it was everything I had hoped for! I wouldn’t change a thing about it. It took me a few days, weeks maybe, to process the intensity of it all. But I 100% will call Zaina again if and when the time comes for us to do this again.

A final note on my birth story: someone who would have been easy for me not to even mention because she was so discreet, and yet she was vital in documenting this journey. Megan took the most stunning images of our most important day. I didn’t notice her, unless I was engaging with her between surges.”


Thank you so much for reading this birth story by Ashley, and looking at the moments I was able to document for her during her birth story!

When I document YOUR birth story for you, you have full control over the sharing of images. IF you decide to allow me to share these special moments, I honor your requests and restrictions to the letter - I know how intimate and transformative this moment is for families, and I want all of my clients to be comfortable with the images I share! Some families don’t want any nudity shared, others, don’t want the face of their newborn babe shared - while others may be fine with showing nudity but without their faces in the image, OR allow everything and anything to be shared. Every choice is valid, and respected regardless.