Some thoughts on your postpartum

You’ve had a baby - you got through the nausea of the first trimester, the glow and growing belly of the second trimester, and the aches, pains and nesting of the third trimester - so now all there is to do is snuggle that baby and ride the unicorns and rainbows, right?! Well…maybe, and maybe not.

The postpartum period can be, and often is, harder than labor and birth, and lasts longer than the pregnancy did. In the US, the medical system defines “delayed postpartum” that lasts up to 6 months after having a baby, however many birth workers and holistic practitioners believe that the postpartum period lasts at least a year, and some argue it persists for life. 

During this time you go through an incredible transformation from the person you were, to “parent.” It can be terrifying and absolutely heart wrenching, at the same time it’s beautiful and heart-filling. It can be all of these things within minutes of each other, so preparing for your postpartum in advance is sound advice.

Unfortunately for people giving birth in the US, postpartum care is practically non-existent, although with the rise of social media and other online resources, it is becoming a bit easier to find help when it’s needed. So much of the issue is society itself, and how we are often taught that we need to “buck up” and handle things on our own: be independent, without the help of the village that we actually really need and benefit from.

There are many cultures around the world where they practice “lying in,” after a birth. In these places, a new parent isn’t expected to do anything but relax, heal, and bond with their new baby. Families come together to take care of the household tasks - they deliver food, they clean, do the dishes, take the other kids out of the house (and their parent’s hair!) and generally create an environment that is conducive for the postpartum transformation that occurs after birth - whether it’s becoming a parent for the first time, or creating a new identity as the parent of several - the transformation is unavoidable, and much smoother with the right helpers.

SO what does all this mean for YOU? 

Your body and mind needs rest, nourishment and a social support system. Lean into the rest. Follow the 5-5-5 rule: Five days in bed (laying in bed, skin to skin with babe, feeding, resting, and bonding); five days on the bed (five days sitting on the bed or doing slow, quiet activities on the bed such as a puzzle or reading to your older kiddo); and finally, five days near the bed (you can stand up and move around a bit more, standing for short periods of time, doing light housekeeping like folding the laundry, and still spending lots of time snuggling with babe). After these 15 days, you can gradually increase your movement, paying attention to your body and its cues along the way.

You will need to advocate for yourself, and your needs as a newly postpartum parent. This process can be a LOT easier if you set up some guidelines ahead of time before babe arrives! Having a plan for visitors, your social network, household chores (including pet care!) and a crisis plan will help ease you mind when the time comes that you need those resources.

Have a specific role in mind for people in your circle - is your best friend an amazing organizer? Ask them to set up a meal train. Are your in-laws loaded with great advice? Put them on speed dial for when you have a baby question that isn’t an emergency. Does your next door neighbor work from home and have kiddos around the same age? Bend their ear on lunch breaks and soak in the support. Gathering your village prior to your birth, and asking for specific things, can help make the transition much more smooth after the fact!

I know a lot of people expect LOTS of visitors after babe comes home, but I would caution that this can put an incredible strain on you as new parents, and create the stress of having to “host” for those that visit. Give yourself time to settle in and bond with your new addition. First time parents are only as old as their baby! It takes time to learn each other, learn how to breastfeed if you’re choosing to do so, learn how to bottle feed, learn how to rock them JUST SO so they will nap, and while we all want to “ooooh” and “awwwwww” over the wrinkles and tiny fingers and toes, you also need time to breathe and settle into your new way of being.

I recommend letting friends and family know that if they’d like to visit, it’s between certain times on certain days (whatever works best for you!) and they need to bring a meal and/or complete a task. They can stay for a set period of time, and make sure you stick to it! You can put a list on the kitchen counter of things that would be helpful for people to do such as washing dishes, vacuuming, doing the laundry, taking your dogs for a walk - a chore in trade for a baby snuggle! And, after they do the task, and ask to hold the baby, you can get a few minutes to shower, or eat, or take a nap, knowing that the to-do list is shorter, and your mental load is lighter. The goal of any visitor should be to support and hold the parents, NOT just to hold the baby!

In addition to the physical healing that takes place in the immediate postpartum period, there is also mental healing, as well as challenges. PMADs (Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders) are a very real concern, and aren’t limited to the better known postpartum depression. Postpartum anxiety disorders, OCD, PTSD, and postpartum psychosis are all experiences that some will have after giving birth. Some signs you may be experiencing a PMAD and should seek further help are: feeling sad, depressed, and/or hopeless much or most of the time - especially consistently for several weeks; difficulty with day-to-day tasks due to mood, and/or difficulty focusing; aversion to avoidance of baby; thoughts of self harm or harming baby; intense fear, racing and/or intrusive thoughts; impacted appetite and disrupted sleep.None of these experiences make you a bad person, or a bad parent! But it is important to have a support and crisis plan ready in advance in case you need it. This plan should include mental health resources such as therapists, your OBGYN, regular doctor, and emergency numbers, as well as any other support people you have, such as your midwife and doula. If you would like more information on what a crisis plan (or other postpartum plan!) should look like, I’m happy to chat!

Postpartum is truly one of my favorite periods of time to document for my families! There’s something so incredibly special in those first few weeks with a newborn, and I am always blown away by the trust they put in me to capture this beautifully messy and exhausting transformation they are going through. Because sometimes it isn’t always the big, dramatic moments that become core memories - sometimes it’s the way your arms wrapped around that babe and held them against your bare belly - a belly that not that long ago, held them - sometimes it’s the hair on their shoulders, the stretchmarks on your body, and the rolls on their backs that your body will remember, but that fade in your memory. I’d love to support you during your transformation, and document all the little (and big) moments along the way!

I’d love to chat with you about things you can do to make your postpartum a successful part of your story. Feel free to contact me to continue this conversation!